Zen and illness (or going on a bear hunt…)

How many of you know the children’s song ‘Going on a Bear Hunt’?  When I was young, we sung this around Scout campfires and the lyrics began as follows:

We’re goin’ on a bear hunt 
We’re going to catch a big one, 
I’m not scared
What a beautiful day!
 
Uh-uh! 
Grass! 
Long wavy grass. 
We can’t go over it. 
We can’t go under it. 
Oh no! 
We’ve got to go through it! 

After that would be a series of obstacles including a river, mud, a dark forest and a cave.  All are approached with the same refrain:

We can’t go over it. 
We can’t go under it. 
We’ve got to go through it! 

A bear trying its best to look like a metaphor


So, what has this to do with practicing Zen with illness you might ask!  Well, in my experience, when faced with the symptoms of illness, and many other obstacles in life, our first thought is how can we get around this without having to face it.  Can we change it or avoid it in some other way?  While it is true that some situations can be changed, often the answer is the same as for the bear hunters – no, you have to go through it.

Suffering occurs because we wish our experience to be different than it is.  This is the source of craving spoken about in the second noble truth1.  We do not want this job, but that one.  Our currently relationship is not making us happy but a new one would.  This party is boring, I want to be doing something else.  We push away unpleasant experiences and cling to those which delight our sense consciousnesses.  This is familiar to most of us as Buddhism101.

The same understanding is beautifully expressed in the Xin Xin Ming (Verses on Faith Mind) attributed to Jianzhi Seng’can, the third Zen patriarch2:

The Great Way is not difficult
for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however,
and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.

(translation by Richard B Clarke)


From personal experience, I can confirm that chronic illness is utterly horrible. Often you do not know what you will wake up with in terms of energy and symptoms can come and go in an unpredictable way.  Wanting to be anywhere else other than a body that is sick and in pain is not an unnatural desire to have, but our craving for something different produces suffering as heaven and earth are set apart.

The Buddha teaching his monks a Pali version of ‘Going on a Bear Hunt’. Probably.


There is a reason that the Buddha’s teachings have survived for over two millennia and continue to be relevant, and that is because they work.  Sitting with our experiences of pain, uncertainty and fear (or laying down with it if you cannot sit), we become more intimate with all of it.  This is not always pleasant but rather than having something solid meet something solid, there is instead a softening in the friction between ideas of pain and emotions and the actual experience of them. Heaven and earth start to move back together.  If we are listening with our whole body to what is going on, it is much harder to project our expectations onto them. 

Does that softening always happen?  No, and some days will be easier than others, but it is a practice that gets easier with time as we learn to dance with our illness as two parts of a whole rather than sworn enemies. Some days we might even see glimpses of a deeper wholeness that is dancing with us and within us. The entire universe is along for the bear hunt, through rivers, caves, pain, anger and everything that arises.

As well as straight sitting, sending metta to yourself, the pain, your body and the whole situation can also soften our resistance.  The Tibetan practice of tonglen has also been found to be helpful for many people with long-term illness.  I can often be found doing this when waking with pain sometime in the small hours, breathing in pain and breathing out joy, peace, comfort and ease; all of us connected within a vast web of human experience (admittedly at other times I might tune into the BBC World Service or listen to some relaxing music).


There is a Zen kōan about Master Ma3 as he neared the end of his life (case 36, The Book of Serenity)    

Great Master Ma was unwell.  The temple superintendent asked him, “Teacher, how has your venerable health been in recent days?”
The Great Master said, “Sun Face Buddha, Moon Face Buddha.”

Sun Face Buddha is full of energy and lives for hundreds of years, Moon Face Buddha is shorter-lived and less vibrant. Sun Face Buddha, Moon Face Buddha basically means ‘good days, bad days’.

Regardless of who you are, no one gets to be Sun Face Buddha all of the time, just as no one gets to win the lottery more than once (okay, maybe twice) or never have a bad hair day.

Sun Face Buddha, Moon Face Buddha. This is life, just as it is. Don’t miss it.

1. “And this, monks, is the noble truth of the origination of stress: the craving that makes for further becoming… i.e. craving for sensual pleasure, craving for becoming, craving for non-becoming.”
Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta ‘Setting the Wheel of Dhamma in Motion’ (translation by Thannisaro Bhikkhu from the Access to Insight website)

2. The first six teachers in the Ch’an (Zen) lineage are known as the six patriarchs of Zen beginning with Bodhidharma who is said to have brought Ch’an to China.  Seng’can is the third of these, although some historians doubt whether he existed at all, which is actually pretty Zen.

3. Mazu Daoyi (709–788) was a Ch’an (Zen) abbot who founded a monastery near Nankang (present day Nanchang, capital of Jiangxi Province) and established the influential Hongzhou School.

A Conspiracy of Dunces

Since the beginning of this pandemic, when many people on my friends list (who have now mostly been muted – I look forward to your messages about echo chambers) shared conspiracy theories about what was “really” happening, I have been thinking more and more about the reasons for the existence of theories at the edge of science and reason.  My conclusions are hardly earth-shattering but, hey, this is my timeline so I get to post them anyway!

Firstly, yes, I do know that some conspiracy theories are real (CIA MK Ultra being the best cited example) but this does not give credence to the rest.  Likewise, not believing in far-fetched theories does not mean you are a sheeple™, in thrall to the main stream media (or MSM as the cool kids have it) or not done your research (which mostly seems to involve hunting around the internet for stuff that you agree with). 

The one conspiracy I find most interesting currently, is that of Agenda 21 (now updated to include Agenda 30 and ‘The Great Reset’).  As with all conspiracy theories worth their (Himalayan) salt, these have been neatly incorporated into ideas counter to the mainstream coronavirus narrative.  This I mostly come across as deployed in comment threads as “read about Agenda 21” or “The Great Reset is coming true”. 

The Agenda 21 angle is one that has long intrigued me.  Having finished a BSc in Environmental Science in 1991, the 1992 Rio De Janeiro environmental summit that produced the ideas around Agenda 21 was of particular interest.  The central notion was to develop ideas around sustainable development that nation states could voluntarily decide to implement into to ensure that resources were not diminished for future generations.  It has no legal authority whatsoever and instead is like your eco-conscious aunt who suggests that doing your recycling and using less single-use plastic might be nice.

So far, not so scary right?  Well, I guess not if you are a fairly normal person, but to the political right, this notion that our actions as consumers might have consequences for the environment is like kryptonite (see also, global warming).  As a result Agenda 21 has become less of an eco-friendly suggestion box, and more of a shift to a New World Order which is impinging on your every freedom, including that of the right to life (one of the most interesting parts of the Agenda 21 conspiracy theory is that the understandable mention in the document that increasing population levels make global sustainability harder to pursue since we will have to consume less per capita to keep consumption at the same level, has been interpreted as a sign that a policy of depopulation will be enacted.  Given that Agenda 21 was presented in 1992, when the planetary population of Homo sapiens was 5.5 billion and at our current stardate of 2021, the target year of Agenda 21 (the clue is in the title!), is now 7.8 billion, this depopulation agenda doesn’t seem to be going particularly well.  Even the current pandemic, which some have said was released deliberately to cause mass annihilation, has not really made a dent in that, and neither has the global vaccine programme which has also been purported to be a part of the depopulation agenda (or maybe micro-chipping on a vast scale so Bill Gates can see when we go to the shops).  Admittedly we are doing much better when it comes to the depopulation of many other species but I don’t think this is what is meant).

Anyway, now that 2021 has come to pass and Agenda 21 has sadly neither produced much of either its intended sustainability goals, nor predicted New World Order and depopulation, we get to move on.  Governments will come together to set new targets which I am rather doubtful will be met any better (although still believe it is better than not having targets at all) and conspiracy theorists will kick the can down the road when it comes to the date of our inevitable enslavement to globalism and shadow government, in the fine tradition of the rapture and England winning the FIFA World cup. 

So now that 2021 is here and still rather lacking a New World Order (unless you count Priti Patel’s tenure at the UK Home Office, or think that being told to wear a mask counts as authoritarianism gone mad) Agenda 30 gets to be the new big bad together with The Great Reset.  Looking at their respective websites (https://sdgs.un.org/2030agenda and https://www.weforum.org/great-reset/), you might think that Agenda 30 is pretty much more of the same kind of sustainability thread that Agenda 21 was based on (but that is what THEY want you to think, showing you a bit of their plans but hiding the New World Order and depopulation stuff in the fine print or only detectable if you play Greta Thunberg speeches backwards) and The Great Reset seems largely to be an attempt to make late stage Capitalism look pretty whilst carrying on exactly the same. 

You can still read the Agenda 21 document online (https://sustainabledevelopment.un.org/content/documents/Agenda21.pdf) and, again, it is filled with measures to protect the environment and its people rather than calls for depopulation and global governance.  The different parts have titles such as ‘Managing fragile ecosystems’, ‘Combatting Deforestation’ and ‘Protection of the oceans’.  Can anyone object to these things?  Perhaps it is in section III and IV where we see why conspiracies have started to develop.  In section III there are suggestions for ‘Recognizing and strengthening the role of indigenous people and their communities’ and ‘Strengthening the role of workers and their trade unions’.  Even if there is also a part on ‘Strengthening the role of business and industry’, I can start to see why some people might take issue with Agenda 21 and, similarly, with Agenda 30. 

Libertarianism and laissez-faire capitalism has long been based on a premise of individual freedom and personal responsibility (although the personal responsibility part mostly turns out to be something to excuse the plight of poor and marginalised people).  However, this ideology is plagued with the issue that freedom for one person may impinge on the freedoms of another.  For example, someone’s right to own a gun impinges on those who wish to live in a gun free society.  Someone’s right to own a gas-guzzling SUV impinges on the rights of people who wish to live on a planet that is not experiencing man-made global warming (MMGW). 

So, given this, libertarians and laissez-faire capitalists (basically the American Right) needs to massively downplay, or deny completely, the idea that consuming resources has any consequence other than to stimulate the economy (Hurrah! *waves flags*).  There is no global warming, mass extinction of plant and animal species, desertification, destruction of habitats, build-up of hazardous waste etc or, if there is, this is done in the name of progress and is entirely acceptable. 

The existence of Agendas 21 and 30, which push ideas which say otherwise are anathema to individual liberty (or at least individual liberty which is decoupled from collective liberty, as life on a massively warmed and environmentally barren earth might be considered to be somewhat reduced) in pointing out that actions do have consequences and actually we might need to think about reducing our consumption levels and behaving as if other people, communities, and nations matter, this does not go down well.  However, saying that you don’t want to think about other people might sound a little, well, selfish, and be considered so by others, especially those who do not benefit so much from unfettered capitalism, so instead it is better to totally demonise the idea of controls on consumption and capitalism as the product of a kind of totalitarianism that will push us into a New World Order ushering in mass culls for depopulation and microchipping us all through a global vaccination programme to a made-up, or at substantially exaggerated, virus (refusal to wear a mask is somewhere at the low end of this, seemingly pushed by people who need to ignore science than admit that putting a small piece of cloth over their mouth is more hassle than they are prepared to countenance on behalf of their fellow humans). 

So, is everyone pushing these narratives on the right of politics?  I would say this is substantially true from what I have witnessed.  Just as some on the right got caught up in the fervour of QAnon as it gave a reason to ignore some of the things they didn’t like about Trump in pursuit of an apparent greater good, so ideas around Agenda 21 and 30 being evil globalist plans mean they do not have to look at reasonable ideas around sustainability, or their own personal responsibility for the world.

In the end, rather than being the product of ‘truth-seeking’ much of this kind of conspiracy is merely a way of supporting one kind of ideology, but rather than recognise the fact than you are basically pushing naked propaganda for free-market libertarianism, isn’t it so much nicer to be a truth-seeker who sees what no one else sees? 

That is not to say that the political left is not guilty of fitting facts to its own narrative also but they are rarely quite as far-flung as the lengths to which these conspiracies go.  Conspiracy theorists often say “you will see” but it is 2021 and the predictions they gave for Agenda 21 have just been moved to Agenda 30 and The Great Reset.  These conspiracies never actually come to pass but are always looming ahead as the great fear that means we never have to look at the here and now.

So what is the here-and-now?  It is the truth of environmental destruction, unbridled consumerism (which is untied to increased happiness), exploitation and marginalisation.  We as a species are free to ignore this but let us do so with open eyes rather than falling for propaganda that benefits the rich.  We have only been on Earth for around 300,000 years out of a total 4.6 billion so it is not as if the planet cannot do without us.  We could all choose to live in  sustainable way that is considerate of other or we could not.  But if you choose selfishness over altruism, at least have the guts to admit that rather than hide behind the pretence of being some kind of truther whilst blindly doing the dirty work of those who benefit from keeping us enslaved to a socio-economic model that is killing us.

June 15 – mountain time

“I wanted a good place to settle.
Cold Mountain would be safe.
Light wind in a hidden pine ―
Listen close ― the sound gets better.
Under it a grey-haired man
Mumbles along reading Huang and Lao.
For ten years I haven’t gone back home
I’ve even forgotten the way by which I came.”

— Han Shan (Cold Mountain) tr. Gary Snyder


Just as contemplating the vastness of space can make us realise that we are, in the great scheme of things, insignificant.  So, in a similar way, can thinking about time on a scale of geology rather than of human existence, using the chronology of the formation of mountains and continents which begins far before even the earliest glimmer of primate mammals on this planet.

Continue reading

June 8 – a new ‘new normal’?

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”

— Arundhati Roy


As I write, there are two obvious stories appearing in the daily newspapers and over social media, although if you are reading this from elsewhere in the world, this may not be the same for you.  In the UK, the current twin focuses of attention are the ongoing SARS CoV-2 pandemic and the protests in the USA following the killing of George Floyd at the hands of the police. 

Although these stories seem to be separate, there is a key link. 

In the UK, the Centre for Evidence-Based Medicine (CEBM) at the University of Oxford has shown that the number of deaths per 10 000 people is over twice as high for black people than white Europeans, with other ethnicities having different levels of risk.  At present it is not known whether there is a physiological or socio-economic reason for this, or a mix of both. Continue reading

June 1 – engaged Buddhism?

I will not turn against my brother for his creed or for his colour
Nor the one he takes his lover or his class
You that beckon me that way you shall not pass

— Grace Petrie, They Shall Not Pass

“O, that my priest’s robe were wide enough
to gather all the suffering people
In this floating world.”

– Ryōkan Taigu (1758-1831)


Engaged Buddhism is a relatively new idea, having its origins in the anti-war activism of Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh, and comes out of the thinking that spiritual practice should not be separate from political action against the causes of suffering in the world.  Other teachers have drawn on this attitude and created Buddhist sanghas that actively include these principles or, in the case of Bernie Glassman’s Zen Peacemakers order, embody them completely.

However, it is fair to say that not all Buddhists agree with this philosophy, and many are vehemently against it, arguing that the Buddha himself did not involve himself in politics.  Some also see this push for social justice as making western Buddhism part of the political left-wing rather than being open to all. Continue reading

May 29 – Birds and Trees Explain Things to Me*

Within the fire and out upon the sea
Crazy man Michael was walking
He met with a raven with eyes black as coals
And pretty soon they were a-talking.

— Fairport Convention, Crazy Man Michael (Liege and Lief, 1969)


The voices of the river valley are the Buddha’s wide and long tongue,
The form of the mountains is nothing other than his pure body.
Through the night, eighty-four thousand verses.
On another day, how can I tell them to others?

— Su Shi


This week I was able to perch on my doorstep and sit Zazen.  Although ostensibly alone, close by are an old oak, some sweet chestnuts, a birch tree and, by the sounds they were making, a whole host of birds of many different species including tits, thrushes and wood pigeons.    

During the current situation, many people have found solace in their permitted daily walk in nature.  And even before coronavirus was a word on anyone’s lips, walking in the woods was a balm to many people in need of a place to let go of their worries for a while, and even find themselves again.  In Japan, the practice of forest bathing (shinrin-yoku) is testimony to this idea.  Trees ask nothing of us, and all the while radiate a sense of stillness and ease born of often hundreds of years being rooted to the same place. Continue reading

Weavers, a poem…

In times to come it will be proclaimed
by skalds*

The spring we came together
from being apart

Watching the flowers grow
outside of our windows

And our children grow
inside

When we gathered the scraps of humanity
and wove a blanket out of kindness

Wrapping it around the whole world
to the moon and back

Until we all fell asleep under its warmth
and soft smell

Of jasmine.

blanket

*a skald is a medieval Norse poet and story teller (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skald)

May 16 – now we are 50

“That’s right,” said Eeyore. “Sing. Umty-tiddly, umty-too. Here we go gathering Nuts and May. Enjoy yourself.”
“I am,” said Pooh.
“Some can,” said Eeyore.
“Why, what’s the matter?”
“Is anything the matter?”
“You seem so sad, Eeyore.”
“Sad? Why should I be sad? It’s my birthday. The happiest day of the year.”

— from Winnie-the-Pooh by A A Milne


Since I am 50 today, I suppose it is pretty much obligatory to note that in some way, even if time as we know it is somewhat arbitrarily based on the passage of a small blue planet around a hydrogen gas giant in the rather minor Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way galaxy.

But convention is convention, and half a century is a fairly long period of time to be alive.  During that time I have lived through eleven different UK Prime Ministers, thirteen FIFA world cups (of which England has won zero, and has come close to winning the same number), eleven Star Wars films (of which around five are probably worth watching, and not including Ewoks, Caravan of Courage) and seven novels by Dan Brown (although it feels like more). Continue reading

May 4 – May life

Leave the door open for the unknown, the door into the dark. That’s where the most important things come from, where you yourself came from, and where you will go.

― Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost 


The eagle-eyed among you might have spotted there were no blog posts last week. I was both sick and preparing for helping to run a day long Zen retreat.

So, today’s offering is more of an update on various things than about any one subject, on the basis that we are one third of the way through what is, to all intents and purposes, a pretty unusual year.

1. Zen Retreat

Yesterday, my Zen community hosted an online day of Sesshin (retreat) consisting of Zazen (meditation), Kinhin (walking meditation), Oryoki (ritual eating), Samu (work periods) and ceremony, including ceremony for all those who have lost their lives to SARS CoV-2.  I led practice sessions on Zoom from 7am to 12pm which was lovely although tiring for someone with ME to get up that early.  Since I only fell asleep around 1am and woke just before 5am, my energy reserves were running low.  However, all went well, and the retreat continued after me for the remainder of the day.  I slept for the afternoon and then 8pm to 10am yesterday morning. Continue reading

April 23 – release

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will have complete peace
.”

— Ajahn Chah (1918-1992), Thai Buddhist monk and teacher

Let it go, let it go

— Queen Elsa of Arendelle, fictional monarch and snow witch


This past week or so I have been feeling a lot sicker. The reason for that is my usual chronic illness rather than anything coronavirus related.

My muscles are more painful, weaker and shake more.

Mostly, I get used to my illness but there are times when it can make life thoroughly miserable. This has been one of those times.

So, with the limitless supply of Zen wisdom at my fingertips, how do I cope with those times?

Continue reading